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Supporting Someone Through a Miscarriage: Resources, Ideas, and Sensitivity

Kim

Experiencing a miscarriage is a deeply personal and often devastating loss. If someone close to you is going through this, it can be challenging to know how to support them. This guide offers practical resources, thoughtful ideas for honoring their loss, helpful books, and what to avoid saying.


What to Say (and Not to Say)

Pregnant woman sitting sadly, hands on belly, eyes closed. Stylized art with soft pink tones and abstract plants in the background.

What to Say:

  • "I am so sorry for your loss."

  • "I’m here for you if you want to talk."

  • "Please let me know how I can support you."

  • "Take all the time you need to grieve."

The key is to acknowledge their loss and validate their emotions without trying to "fix" their grief.

What Not to Say:

  • "At least you can try again."

  • "It wasn’t meant to be."

  • "Everything happens for a reason."

  • "You should be over it by now."

These phrases, while often well-meaning, can come across as dismissive or invalidating. Instead, focus on simply being present and supportive.


Miscarriage Resources - Especially in Southern California Region

If you’re in Southern California, there are several organizations and support groups that provide comfort and guidance:

  1. Hoag Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Group (Virtual)

  2. Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support

  3. Return to Zero Center for Healing

  4. The Compassionate Friends

  5. Loma Linda University Health – Always in My Heart Support Group

  6. Empty Cradle

    • A non-profit organization offering support services, remembrance events, and educational resources.

    • Website: https://www.emptycradle.org


Books That Can Help

Books can provide solace and guidance for those grieving a miscarriage. Here are a few recommendations:

  1. "Empty Cradle, Broken Heart" by Deborah L. Davis

  2. "Grieving the Child I Never Knew" by Kathe Wunnenberg

  3. "The Miscarriage Map" by Sunita Osborn

  4. "Miscarriage: Women Sharing From the Heart" by Marie Allen and Shelly Marks


Ideas for Honoring the Loss

Helping someone honor their loss can be deeply meaningful. Here are some thoughtful ways to support them:

  1. Plant a Tree or Flower

    • A living tribute to the baby can provide a sense of peace and remembrance.

  2. Create a Memory Box

    • Include ultrasound photos, letters, or small mementos associated with the pregnancy.

  3. Personalized Jewelry

    • A necklace or bracelet with the baby’s initials, birthstone, or significant date can be a cherished keepsake.

  4. Release Ceremony

    • A private ceremony to release balloons, lanterns, or flowers can symbolize saying goodbye.

  5. Donation in Memory

    • Make a donation to a charity or organization that supports families experiencing pregnancy loss in the baby’s name.

  6. Attend Remembrance Events

  7. Candle Lighting Ritual

    • Light a candle on Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day (October 15) or another significant date.

  8. Create a Dedicated Space

    • A small memorial space at home with candles, flowers, or personal items can offer comfort.


Additional Ways to Support Grieving Parents and Their Partners

Grieving a miscarriage often affects both parents deeply. Here are additional ways to support them:

  1. Provide Practical Help

    • Offer to help with meals, childcare, or errands. Simple tasks can feel overwhelming during grief.

  2. Support the Partner

    • Acknowledge the grief of the partner, who may feel overlooked. Saying something like, "I’m thinking of you, too," can go a long way.

    • Suggest counseling or support groups specifically for partners, such as those offered by The Compassionate Friends or Return to Zero.

  3. Encourage Open Communication

    • Encourage both partners to talk openly about their feelings, but don’t pressure them to do so.

  4. Give Them Time Together

    • Help create opportunities for the couple to spend time together without worrying about daily responsibilities.

  5. Respect Their Coping Styles

    • Understand that each person may grieve differently. One may want to talk openly, while the other might prefer to process internally.

  6. Help Remember Important Dates

    • Offer gentle support on anniversaries, due dates, or other meaningful dates, which can be particularly difficult.

  7. Provide a Listening Ear

    • Check in regularly and let them know they’re not alone. Sometimes just being there is the most meaningful support.


Final Thoughts

Grieving a miscarriage is a journey that requires time and patience. By offering your presence, resources, and thoughtful ways to honor their loss, you can make a meaningful difference in their healing process. Remember, your role is not to fix their pain but to walk alongside them with compassion and understanding.

©2025 by Kimia

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